Shallow

Recently I made a friends with Phd students in Natural science department. this is quite a new experience for me to be honest because somehow I always surrounded by people from social science, humaniora or law. Activist, peacemakers, human rights defender you name it but this time I hang out with people from natural science departement. At first I know that we shared same vibes. Ohgodamn all weirdos are the same in every departmens. I am one of them.

And I really enjoy the convo that I somehow missed from being a academic or simply a student. The wild thoughts, the logic, the way we think are kind of similar, it is just different topics. I love the way they extend their way of thought, the pop culture they referring, a scientific way of reasoning and unnecessary informations that very specific in our own study. It just amazing being surrounded with my own people.

And one day, one of my friend said that I and our friend are shallow, because we both attracted to each other. But it is complicated since we don’t want to be in a situation like romance. Cause, you know.

And I cannot stop thinking about it

the shallowness

what it means to be shallow, am I the 99% so what?

I believe that appearance is necessary to build a good connections, I take care of my appearance cause I know I will get less rejected in life if I follow the capitalistic standard of beauty

But what is mean to be beautiful?

When people desire beauty, but being beauty does not guarantee you are happy

I remember when I was bachelor time, I wanted to join the talk with my roommate’s friend cause she felt broken hearted and she reject me like,

“how do you know about being broken hearted? You are pretty?”

During that time, I was suffering with suicidal thoughts and attempts. Broken heart was a trigger.

My friend who stated that me and the other friend are shallow cause we put effort on maintaining our beauty.

And I should admitted yes I do

Beauty is a prison, you don’t wanna get out. You know that your life was build surrounds them and you are afraid losing your beauty means that you will lose all the privilege you receives of being attractive.

But being attractive only gave you less chance of being rejected, not protecting you from broken hearted.

Because love does not need a perfections. You could be: beautiful, passionate, intelligent, independent, caring. You could fulfil the standard of perfect girlfriend. But the boy you like said “sorry the chemistry doesn’t match”. And what left you?

Felling broken hearted with those beautiful face.

Love was never simple, and beauty wasn’t everything.

Being ugly means that you get bigger chance on get rejection, but once someone accepting you, they accept you for who you are.

Those beautiful people will think that the person who accept you with certain conditions: your pretty face. Like you never really get out from the exterior.

If I had a chance to meet the shallow friends of mine, the beautiful one once again.

I would said that yes we are. And no matter how shallow are we according to our friend. It doesn’t change the way I feel about you.

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